I really have nothing to complain about

Th month has flown past and so much has happened.  I have been bound up for most of the month now.  It has been a bit irritating but really not bad.  However, despite all my best efforts I have had a continual slow fluid build up that has settled in at about 24-30 cc day.  That doesn't sound like alot but it is more than I should have.  Actually it should have stopped a couple of weks ago.  So, last monday the 17th i had another drain put in.  It worked wonders!!! It was in a little different spot thatn the first and really did a great job and pretty much did the job.  We were told that there will most likely be a bit more fluid just because sometimes it never completely stops.  So on friday they took the drain out and I was thrilled to be wrap and drain free.  However, this morning, (Sunday) I am sloshing around again AGHGHGHG.....I'll be wrapping myself again today because it takes the pressure off the area.  I really am healing well though.  The incision is healed and the top part off my chest wall is flat and tight like it should be.  Because they did a skin sparing mastectomy and there is a roll of skin at the bottom of where the breast was, that is where the fluid builds up.  It feels heavy and starts hurting after a while.  That is why the wraps help because it pushes the extra skin up close to the chest wall and I don't feel the weight of the fluid pulling down on the excess skin.  Does that make sense?  Oh well, we'll see how it goes the next day or so.  i may have to go back and have them drin me with a needle again.  That's really not as bad as it sounds either because the skin around the incision is still numb so I don't feel the needle.

Enough of that.  On Tuesday the 11th we met with the oncologist to see what the plan of attack would be after I got clearance form the Surgeon.  He explained again all of the pathology results which have all been very good.  He then said he was going to order one more test called the Oncotype DX.  This test is done at a lab in California and is the only lab in the world that does it.  The test basically goes into your cancer cells and figures out how they work.  They can tell how aggressive or not  the cancer is etc.  This test will tell them your probability of reoccurance.  From these results they place you on a scale from 1-100.  If you are on the high end then chemo and radiation etc is definately part of your plan.   If you are on the low end then probably not.  So, his belief is that I will be on the low end based on all of my other pathology results.  If that is the case I will not have to have chemo.  They have found the test to be very good so if a person has a very low risk of reoccurance then there is no need to put them through chemo.  Instead they will put you on a pill form of an anti estrigen drug to take once a day for 5 years and call it good.  If you land in the middle of the chart then they will tailor your treatment to you.  We are scheduled to meet again on Feb. 3rd unless the results come in before that.  It takes 2-3 weeks for the results to come back.  We are all praying for a LOW number. 

I can deal with an annoying fluid thing which will eventually stop.  I can deal with the mastectomy.  I have learned that I can deal with so many things because through this adventure so far, I have met and heard of so many others who have and are going through this adventure too and I consider myself extremely blessed.   The small things I am dealing with are very small in comparrison to what others are facing and dealing with.  I really have nothing to complain about!!!!!!  So I can get frustrated with a roll of sloshy skin, but I'm grateful to have it because it will make reconstruction so much better when that time comes.  I'm grateful to have had my eyes opened to this whole new world that is around us all but unless we are forced into it we can empathise with others but really don't have a clue about it.  I can't thank our Heavenly Father enough for the blessings that he has poured out on us directly but most through others.  I can't and won't begin to list them because there are too many.  The best thing I can do is to keep being grateful and doing my best to live worthy of the things I have been blessed with.  We continue to feel the peace and comfort that we prayed so hard for the first day.  He continues to guide us in the decisions that need to be made.  I feel that it is my duty now to do whatever I can to stay focused on my recovery, to learn as much as I can and to share that knowledge with others.  I feel that there is something out there that I'm supposed to be doing and I need to be quiet and listen to the direction that is given me.  I have been taught some very personal lessons through this and one of those is to act.  Act upon the promptings, feelings & randoms thoughts that pop in your head.   Don't ignore them, they are there for a reason.

Enough for today.  I pray for a LOW number.  Every day is a good day.

NOT GOOD ENOUGH

So I went in this morning to have more fluid drained (60cc).  The nurse wrapped me up really tight so that the skin is tight to my chest.  It's uncomfortable.  This should slow down the fluid because there is very little space for the fluid to fill up.  I was told not to use my left arm for anything.  I'm to pretend that it's wrapped to my body and I can't move it and to ice the area again.  I'm to go in tomorrow and see if this is helping then see what the surgeon says on friday.  I thought I was pretty good at not doing much but apparantly not good enough.  You don't realaize how much you use an arm untill you can't.  I'll be really good the next few days and see if we can stop this draining stuff.  Then it will be on to the next phase.

January 3, 2011 - Happy New Year

So, here is another update.  On Monday the 27th I did have the drain tube removed since it kept clotting up and would not drain.  At that time the nurse took out a large syringe and stuck it into me and started to drain out the fluid that had me swollen and in a bit of pain.  What amazed me was that I didn't feel the needle at all.  I'm pretty much numb.  After removing 110 cc of fluid we went home.  On Wed. the 29th I went back in and she removed another 120 cc of fluid.  Still no feeling in that area.  Since I knew the offices were going to be closed over the weekend I figured the fluid would slow down and I would be fine till this morning.  Well, that wasn't the case.  I had so much fluid by yesterday that  I was swollen way under my arm and down under my breat area.  My skin was and still is so sensitive and feels like a constant stinging, especailly when anything touches it.  Which means all the time.  This morning when I went in the nurse removed 200 cc of fluid.  She wrapped me really tight with and ace bandage to put more pressure on the sight so that there would be no space for the fluid to fill up.  I do feel much better today but I am still very tender.  I have an appointment with the surgeon on friday and the goal is top have the fluid stopped by then.  I need to go in each mornig to have the nurse check it. 

We also recieved all of the pathology reports back.  The lymph node and tissue they removed were all clear.  This morning the FISH test finally came back with a negative result which means that there was no abnormal protiens on the cells so that means that I will not have to take a medicine every day for the next 5 years.  That will also determine what kind of chemo I will need.  When I get clearance from the surgeon then I will meet with the Oncologist. 

Last week I found out that the Huntsman Cancer institute has wigs availalbe for women who need them.  I stopped there to see if it was true and 45 min. later came home with a cute wig.  It's my same coloring and cloe in style to my hair now.  I had a good talk with grand daughter Elinor (6yr) on New Years morning.  She understands the chemo thing because her stepmoms mother has had chemo.  She asked if my hair was going to fall out and when I told her yes she made ure I was going to get a wig.  I showed her my wig and she thought it was cute.  Yesterday I was talking to her on the phone and she wanted to know if my hair had fallen out yet.  I made sure she knew that I would let her know as soon as it did.  She is so sweet. 

So I'll check in later.  Today has been a lazy day of rest.  Tomorrow will be a part day at work.  We'll see how that goes.  Love you all.

Terri

Dec. 23, 2010

Hello all, I thought I would take a few minutes to update you on our adventure. 

Surgery went very well on Monday the 20th. We found out that when you are in a trauma center your surgery can & does get bumped back for trauma patients that need surgery.  So mine was a bit later in the afternoon.  I came home that night.  They only took out one lymph node and it was clear so they didn’t take any more.  Time wise, surgery was just about 2 hours long.  A few hours later and after a few bouts of nausea and an IV drip bag of fenegren to stop that I was ready to go home.  We got home at about 9pm.  Lortab is my current drug of choice. 

Tuesday I felt great, a false sense of great because yesterday (Wed) I pretty much just slept all day and didn’t feel all so great.  After a good day & night of rest, this morning was much better.  Last night I did have a blood clot in my drainage tube.  We cleared it out but had to go in this morning to have it checked and there was another clot in the tube that we couldn’t see.  After a quick fix from the doctor I was draining quite nicely again.  Hopefully that will all be done by Monday and the tube can come out.   I wasn’t really paying attention as the nurse was removing the dressing.  Then there I was looking at this foreign looking scar on my chest.  It took a second to realize what I was seeing.  I was surprised.  I had imagined that I would have a dramatic mental breakdown the first time seeing myself post surgery.  It wasn’t as bad as I expected but then you really have no idea what to expect.  Maybe later I’ll feel something more than fascination.  Yep. I am fascinated with the whole thing.  I know that I have many good and bad days ahead of me but I know that I can power through.  The body amazes me with its ability to heal and the mind that can quickly accept things for what they are and move on.  Bill didn’t turn green or pass out either.  He has been such strength to me and our kids.  When I have been afraid he has comforted me, let me cry, made me laugh, kept me going, assured me that he does still love me when my thoughts are running wild. 

I do need to keep pacing myself with rest and being up.  I do tire quickly but I also get tired of resting.  I’ve got to work on finding a good balance there.  I’m so grateful for the phone calls, e-mails and notes of support and love.  We do so appreciate them.  The Lord has truly blessed us so far and continues to do so daily.  I told my brother that I can’t call this cancer a blessing yet, but because of it we have been recipients of so many blessings.   Each day I tell myself to look for the new things I’m supposed to learn that day.  I can’t tell you how much I have learned or been reminded of things that I need to be reminded of.. Each day is an adventure now.  I see things in my life differently.  No great life altering, earth shattering differences, just simple things.  I am much more aware of how much I love my family.  I find pure joy in my grand children’s little voices.  I feel more patient, we’ll see if I really am.  I see my children, all adults now, for the amazing adults they are. 

They do have the love of Christ within them as well as their father.  Anyway, I’m truly grateful for the testimony that I have of our Savior Jesus Christ and our Loving Heavenly Father.  I’m so grateful to have the gospel in my life.  I’m so grateful to know that I have a purpose here on this earth and that my Heavenly Father knows me personally by name.  He will never be far from me as long as I am never too far from Him.  I wish the best for everyone this Christmas and hope that you all have a fantastic day.  We love you all.

Terri